belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
