i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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