i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
This beer is not sobering me up at all
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
