At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
