....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
