I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
