Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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