I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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