Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
We are all done wearing pants today
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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