Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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