Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
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Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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