you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
