I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
