I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
