two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
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After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
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So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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