took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Randomize
