So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
