Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
