After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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