I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
