D3 body, D1 cock
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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