i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
