He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
