Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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