so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
