I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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