I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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