You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
