somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
