He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
