They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
