My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize
