Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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