Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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