dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
