I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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