Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
