Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
So many bounce houses so little time
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
