My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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