we have pet lesbian snakes
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
