Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
