I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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