I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
