Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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