What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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