i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
