Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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