it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
