Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
