marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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