There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I lost the right to judge tonight
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
