so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
