Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
