ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
