I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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