Need sex. Gaining weight.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
and she was petting her beer can
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
