Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
