Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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