Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
