and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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