Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
