Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
