i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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