he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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