How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
