girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just pee around me
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
