I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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