so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
