how can u be prego again
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
