So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
