this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
