No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
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